Correcting Others’ Grammar

A reader asks: How does one gently correct someone’s poor grammar? I usually let it slide but I want to help them to sound better educated.

I have a few basic rules:

I feel I have an obligation to correct the grammar of my wife or my kids, though I try not to do this in public.

If you’re a friend and you make a mistake that is bound to be seen or heard repeatedly, e.g., a mistake in a business presentation, you’ll receive an email from me on the subject.

There have been people in my life who have asked me directly to correct their mistakes when I come across them.  This doesn’t happen frequently, but I eagerly accept the invitation when it comes up.

I try not to be pedantic.  There are grammatical errors that we learned not to make in second or third grade, e.g., “My parents sent my brother and I to a nice school,” or “I should have went to the store.”  I’m much more likely to address something like this than I am minor issues that few people care about, e.g., “Their mission was to boldly go.” (split infinitive), or “I appreciated him coming to me and apologizing.” (failure to modify a gerund with a possessive).